The police department in Lawrence, Kansas, recently broke the internet with its hilarious response to a young citizen trying — but epically failing — to be cool.
I'm sorry Blake, this is awkward, but that's not a police car. You vaped in front of a water service vehicle.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ https://t.co/ecn6aVHstX— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 19, 2017
It turns out, whomever runs the Lawrence Police Twitter account is something of a comedy genius.
Why did 4 cars almost hit you this morning? Because several thousand 18yr olds moved into town yesterday. Welcome to real life Mario Kart. pic.twitter.com/IKbtUidmwE
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 18, 2017
Lawrence, a college town that is home to the University of Kansas, welcomed back returning and incoming students last weekend — and it didn’t go unnoticed by local authorities. Lawrence PD embarked upon a timely Twitter campaign to make college “jail free” for returning and incoming students:
Next week students will be returning to town, and we will have plenty of tips to make college life jail free! New students- follow us now!
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Here are the hilarious (and solid) tips tweeted out by Lawrence PD:
Tip #1: Don’t Sell Weed Out of Your Apartment
Free preview!- Selling weed out of your apartment may seem like an easy way to make some quick $$$. But you will get robbed. At gunpoint.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
We'll respond, you'll claim some strangers barged in and stole your TV and a safe with "money" in it. Bruh, it ain't our first rodeo.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Truth is, your cousin couldn't keep his mouth shut, so two guys grabbed their guns and decided robbing you was easier than selling weed.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
So helpful tip #1. DON'T SELL WEED OUT OF YOUR DORM/APARTMENT CUZ YOU'RE GONNA GET ROBBED. This is not debatable, it is inevitable.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
You're still a victim, and we will probably find the people who did it. But c'mon, you lost your xbox and TV for some beer money bro.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Tip #2: Don’t Throw a House Party
Helpful tip #2. Throwing a house party may seem like an awesome idea. All your friends come over, jungle juice is cold, Future on bluetooth
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Chad shows up with some new people you don't know. That's cool, always down to make new friends. Now fast forward an hour.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
300 people show up in your living room, someone puked on the kitchen floor, and you can't find Charlie the cat
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Officer Friendly shows up at the front door because your elderly neighbor has had enough of your nonsense and called dispatch.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Now you've got a court date, Charlie is in the pound, and Chad has slept on your couch for 3 weeks and ate all your mac n chz. Sweet party.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
You wake up next morning, your mouth tastes like stale fireball, and you remember your phone disappeared after the 3rd game of beer pong
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
You try to file a theft report, the officer asks for possible suspects, and you say "well there's 300, and I don't know their names."
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
House parties arent worth it. Don't throw house parties.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Tip #3: Don’t Get Drunk and Fight
OK last one today. Helpful tip #3 – The argument outside the bar at 2am is never as important as you think it is. That’s the alcohol talking
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
The liquid courage may have you thinking it’s necessary to defend the legacy of the family name against the guy in the care bears shirt.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
It isn’t. If you had slowed down at the bar, and not taken those last three vegas bombs, you might realize he never insulted you.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
But alas, you didn’t, and as you throw your third haymaker (they all missed) it hits you.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Not a great idea, you’re too drunk for that. It’s care bear’s fist. In your drunken stupor, you failed to realize he was 6’4” and sober.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
As your friends try to pull you away, that third vegas bomb refills your delusional tank, and you now must redeem your honor.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Your friends throw their hands up in the air as you charge forward in a fateful meeting with your left cheek and his right hook
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Next thing you know, you can see the moon from your back, there’s a medic standing over you, and your friends left.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
As Officer Friendly lays a disorderly conduct citation on your chest, you realize: Fighting outside the bar isn’t worth it. Write that down.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Tip #4: Don’t Pee in Public
Continuing our back to school series – Helpful tip #4 – Outside downtown is not your personal urinal. It's disgusting, and so are you.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 14, 2017
When we pull up, and you’re facing the corner of the doorway with your hands by your crotch, we know exactly what you are doing over there.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 14, 2017
Don’t turn around and pretend the wet spot on the wall is from the rain that only happened in a three square foot area between your legs.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 14, 2017
If you’re too lazy to hit the bathroom before you walk out of the bar, maybe you should start wearing diapers. Or you know, find a bathroom.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 14, 2017
There haven’t been 400 years of indoor plumbing advancements for you to write your name on the ground in the alley.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 14, 2017
Bonus Tip #1: No Face — or Arm — Punching
Students, as we head in to the first weekend of the school year, don't forget the #HawkWeek tradition of not punching each other in the face
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 18, 2017
or the arm #FacePalm
This weekend is gonna get salty isnt it? pic.twitter.com/RDI67r7zOh
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 18, 2017
Bonus Tip #2: No Speeding Through School Zones
Going through a 430 ft school zone at 20 mph instead of 35 mph adds approximately 6.3 seconds to your commute. pic.twitter.com/ThrWYnAWWy
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 14, 2017
If that's too long, set an earlier alarm, leave earlier, buy a plane, or do something else, because you're a #jackwagon
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 14, 2017
Major props to the truth bomber who manages @LawrenceKS_PD.
It’s a tough choice, but let’s pick a winner. Which tweet storm wins the day? Take the poll:
This article was originally published on GlennBeck.com.